Turning the big--- 3. 0.

Yeah, it’s true. I am turning 30 in just a few days, hours and minutes. I’m not sure this is what I thought 30 would feel like when I was younger and I defiantly didn’t think this is what it looked like. I, like a lot of girls, grew up on fairytales and a bad childhood. I dreamed of a perfect man taking me away from it all, having a house with a picket fence and children.

Then as I aged I realize I could only depend on myself, thanks to some bad relationships with boys who were far from perfect, I rejected the thought of a man being able to take care of me, depending on him and having no worth myself. Sure, I like to cook, wear aprons and children but I don’t need a man for this. Happiness became more important to me and I walked away from what society said my future would be. I refused to accept my reality would be a man child who liked to smoke pot, drink too much, lay on his lazy ass and play music. I refused to accept my future would be in the arms of an asshole that had more issues than the ones I was leaving behind. I wanted more; I needed more and neither of them could make me happy no matter how hard I pretended. A woman’s worth is not judged by the man on her arm. I didn’t need any stinking man! So, I created my own path. A path of love, acceptance, dedication, hard work and happiness!
 

What does 30 feel like? I don’t feel any older, wiser or more grown up. I do feel more assure of myself, happier and actually not as stubborn. I do now know what is truly most important in life and feel confident in the decisions I make. I am ok with thinking about me, for me and doing what is best for me! Happiness is my goal in life now.

 

What does 30 look like? I don’t have as many wrinkles as I thought I would, and honestly the thought of them scare me a little. I am healthy—I am working towards a healthy weight, healthy eating and healthy living. It’s time to take things a little more seriously with my health.

I share my life with the one person that truly makes me happy. She was made for me and was there all along, I just had to open my eyes, my mind and my heart! She wants the same thing in life as me. (And most impressive she got off her ass to help get us there and she isn’t crazier than the people I wanted rescued from!) We are buying the house we are turning into our dream home! We will own our home in half the time—being true home owners at least by the time I am 45 and she is 49! My baby works hard for me and makes my dreams possible, for our home and our life. I am one lucky girl for sure! I think 30 is going to be a good age—I guess I am truly a grown up now. In a few more short years our lives will be changing once again—as we hope to become parents to one child, someone we have spent the last few years thinking about, preparing for and working towards.

 

Oh how fun, exciting and new the 30’s will be!

Hard work Saturday's

The third Saturday of the month and the third Saturday we have worked in the yard all day!

Last weekend’s project is pictured below—I think it turned out really nice!

 

 

 

 

Next weekend we will build similar planters around the front part of the back yard in attempt to dress the area up a little. All the work Tom, our contractor, is doing has inspired me! He is still hard at work on the table and fire pit area but soon will be moving back to the pool area. Which I am sure will inspire me to do some project in that area of the yard!

I just want my yard to look cute—is that so much to ask? Ha!

 

Happy Spring!

Feeling the love

Sometimes while just sitting next to my sweet Duste, the feeling overwhelms me. Nothing special needs to be said, nothing big needs to be done—sometimes the feeling takes over while sitting at the table having dinner. I am so lucky!

 I am so lucky to have this wonderful person next to me. Someone who loves completely, someone who supports me without limits, someone who isn’t using me, or acting. Someone I can let my guard down with, someone who knows me and loves me—all of me. Someone I can rely on, someone I can trust without a shadow of a doubt. She would never hurt me, lie to me, use me or betray me. We are truly connected deeper than anyone else—it doesn’t take marriage or a child to hold us together, our souls will always be connected, tangled together as one. Death will not be able to keep us apart; our love has lasted far more than this life time and will continue to go on after.

Because we have this deep connection we are able to create this wonderful life together. Our goals always moving together like an old river that has flowed since time began. We have a beautiful life and a beautiful home together—we are truly blessed!

The love we feel for each other is not only shown by the smiles on our faces, and the little touches between us but also by our home. The way we take care of it, so it can last—a standing tribute of our love. The way our home makes you feel and the energy it gives off. Those walls have only known love since we have been there. They are like sponges sucking up the energy we put out and holding on to it for times to come. All the laughing, all the singing, all the dancing--all the joyous noises of love being made there: a true testament of our undying, ever growing love.

I wish we could always stay in our love cocoon, never leave to face the outside world and its stresses.

We are still school girls wanting to stay home together—it doesn’t matter as long as we are together.

 

Blessed are we !

Fake Fake Fake

This world is full of fake people. People that smile to your face and talk about you behind your back. People who act –play the game in public but are totally different at heart.

Then there are the negative people or the people who judge. Often the judgers will do it with a smile on their face.

Actresses seem to be a dime a dozen. They treat you one way then once you are all together they act like nothing ever happened.

I really dislike them all—the fake, negative, judgers and actresses—all toxic people!

 

 

Unfortunately my family is full of them. They tried to turn me into one of them. I was always told to pretend nothing happened, don’t bring it up, move on and get over it. I was never ok with that.

It wasn’t until several loved ones died that I decided life is too short. It’s too short to deal with the drama these people were bringing into my life, too short for all the stress they were causing and too short to be anything but happy.

I have never regretted the choices I have made when I decided to walk away from my family. I went cold turkey—I cut them all and started fresh. Slowly few were allowed back in and some of those few didn’t get to stay. I accepted the fact that I cannot change these people; I cannot have the relationship I need from them and because of that if they caused more harm than good they were out. The only exception of this rule is my sisters. I may, at times, keep them at arm’s length I will try to always have them in my life. I will not allow them to control me, I will not recue them from the messes they have made, but I will always try to be there.

I am happier having a small but true family than a large fake one any day! Turns out you don’t have to love people just because you are related to them, you don’t have to put up with their crap just because you are family—I am here to tell you, you deserve better than that. The hardest step is acceptance—accepting the fact that the relationship will never be what you want, what you need, what you hoped for. It is what it is and that is the way it will stay—until you take a stand. Don’t let guilt keep you in a bad relationship; don’t let it keep you unhappy. Screw that—life is short and it could be all over tomorrow I am going to be as happy as I can be, regardless of what relationships I have to end or alter.

I know this much—no child of mine will be raised the way I was. No child of mine will be around these toxic people and no child of mine will have to do with the stress, sadness and heartbreak I had to when I was a child—nope no child of mine.

What I don’t like I change—my life, my weight, my unhappiness. It’s never too late to be happy!

 

 

Spring Projects are in full swing!

We will be adding some plants this year—a pop of color off the back porch and Duste wants to try her hand at a black berry patch.

 A new Fire Pit area is being built, a nice landing nest for our outside table will be next and hopefully we will be able to squeeze in a foundation for our pool as well! Of course there are also the remaining old windows that will be replaced as soon as the temps get into the 70’s.

 

Our goal is to get all the little things done and out of the way so we can save up for the big jobs and get them done this year as well. It is always a race with the calendar and a battle with the savings acct but we are determined to get as much as we can done as quickly as we can! The goals has always been once we get our house the way we want it we want to start making extra house payments—I hate debt! That is why we got my student loans paid off with in 5 yrs and all the things I bought on 6 months or a year same as cash was always paid off in that time frame. I am a bit aggressive I guess—but in a good way! Ha!

 

Refinancing….Isn’t the devil!

I know I was shocked too! I finally looked into what refinancing is after a month of my bank calling me. Turns out it is a good thing for us. We can lower our interested rate by more than 3% and, here’s the best part, for $20 more a month we can get our house paid off in half the time! That is right, our mortgage goes up $20 and we have a 15 year mortgage and yes it is a fixed rate! (And there is no penalty for early pay offs!) That means when I am 45 and Duste 49 our home will be PAID OFF!! As a bonus we get to skip June’s house payment, which will be going into savings! Yay!

I am so glad we get to take advantage of this—it’s a promotion our bank is putting on for a limited time that requires no application fee, no closing cost and no appraisal. It couldn’t be easier! We sign some papers and it done!

--happy dance—

The Purge

Its official we are purging! I am slowly going through my closet. Donating and selling things that are now too big. It’s such a good feeling—out with the old and in with the new. I am stocking my closet with new to me smaller clothes as I go. I have a few styles I am going for—although I’m not sure how close I am getting. Of course my new style has been inspired by a few pins I have in Pinterest. I think it is a put together adult look, after all I am turning 30 this year!

Next we will be doing the same for Duste’s side of the closet. So excited to put together some cute outfits for her—have I mentioned how cute her butt is?! (hehe)

I am so excited for all the changes to our bodies and wardrobe—spring is about rebirth!

60 day update

On average I drink 120oz of liquid, 32 of which is not plain water. I drink at least 3 glasses of green tea a day and one homemade pop at dinner. (Made with the Soda Stream with real sugar no caffeine and only 35 calories) Duste we are sure averages more water than me but does not keep count and she is also drinking green tea and a homemade pop.

We have continued counting calories and have stayed around 1,200 calories in a day. We are eating very well with fresh fruits and veggies. We still eat rice, pasta and bread but only whole grain. We are eating more dairy but at least 2% and low fat. We have continued making our lunches ahead for the week on Sunday and are still freezing healthy meals for easy dinner options during the week. Currently we eat one pre-cooked frozen meal and one homemade meal a week. (Alternating eating the left over’s for two days and going out one) During the weekend we typically eat home cooking but do sometimes pick up something healthy and low in calories. (Hard to find but it can be done)

I am still working out 6xs a week—4xs at home on the Wii Active and 2x’s with my personal trainer, averaging 30mins each. I will also walk the building where I work and do the stair cases a few times a day. I try to burn 2,000 calories a day—very hard to do with a desk job. Duste burns over 2,000 calories a day with her more physical factory job. We are still waiting for Indiana weather to break so we can enjoy more outdoor time with our wonderful Ivy Rose.

We are sticking with our evening routine and getting as much sleep as we can—an important part of losing weight that most over look. I’m not sure how well we will deal with the sun being up until almost 10pm in the summer. (Thank you day light savings time)

A big challenge is coming up—holiday cooking. But with some planning I think I have made some good adjustments to what I would normally be cooking. We will be having roasted veggies—150 calories for a cup, Roasted Chicken—100 calories for 3 oz, Cole Slaw—100 calories for a cup, and healthier mac-n-cheese—300 calories per serving. I am also making a Angel Food cake with Pineapple and some mini birds nest. It will be a healthier Easter for sure! *update—we each only ate 400 calories at Easter Lunch!*

The Results are in—

 Duste has lost a total of 25lbs and 10inches and I have lost 22lbs and 10 inches—half of those on my waist!

It looks like our 90day challenge is going to turn into a 6 month challenge! I can’t wait to see where we are by then!