Saturday, August 13, 2016

Monday, May 9, 2016

Finally Pregnant!!

Our fourth IUI was a success!!

It shouldn’t have been, based on the theory that if you are under too much stress it will not work. It was a very ridiculous stressful time for me, I’m talking Anxiety / Panic attacks and all. I wasn’t sleeping, was barely eating and lost 5 lbs. right before my scheduled IUI.

The stress came from dealing with my father and his issues. I walked away from my father a year ago, after I told him he could not be in my life in his current condition. Since then he became unemployed, homeless and drinking mouth wash to cope with his addiction. Most people had given up on him and instead of finding help, they called the cops on him every time he showed up. The cops would just drive him around and drop him at a 24hr restaurant, never offering any additional help. This continued for months. I would watch the paper, expecting to hear he was found dead somewhere in our town.

Then after a disgusting and disturbing email from my father’s brother, I decided to reach out to my dad. A local agency had been putting him up in a hotel room and he was busy trying to find a job – the only problem, he was still actively drinking. Unfortunately, reaching out meant he started calling (again) several times, at all hours, leaving mean message as the evening progressed when I didn’t answer. Soon enough the funding ran out and since he did not have a job, he was out on the street. My wife paid for 5 days to keep him in a room and off the streets, as it was winter, but we could not afford to do this long term. He called as he left the hotel and asked me to pick up his things behind the dumpster. It was heartbreaking to gather up his things among the heroin needles. It was devastating to see all he had were a few grocery bags of clothing left. He wondered the streets and ended up at his ex-wife’s, my mothers, sun porch. My mom called me in desperation. I made some phone calls and found out that if I could get him to the ER there was chance they could get him a bed in a rehab. It was shocking to see him after a year. He had lost so much weight and looked twice his age. He looked like a homeless man, wearing layers of mix matched clothes, his hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved. After the cops came and talked him into going to the ER, I spent hours with him in the hospital for them to tell us they had no beds. This is when the anxiety attacks began – I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt heavy and when I did try to sleep I would wake up gasping for air. While he was safe in his hotel room, I found an agency to cover the cost for a few days, I started reaching out to all the local agencies to find him some help. I learned he HAD to go through the ER. So, after a few days back we went. This time it wasn’t as easy, he took off and was missing for several hours and when he reappeared he was very drunk but the people at the hospital handled it more seriously. While he was missing, my youngest sister went into labor. As she yelled in pain I was on the phone trying to secure funding for detox. The only problem – they couldn’t take him until the following week.  I was lucky that two wonderful ladies I used to work with were now in positions at the hospital to help me. One got him admitted for a few days for him to sober up while the other got him admitted for the weekend for observation. Keeping him in the local hospital until he could get in to detox. 

I was scheduled for my 4th IuI the day after my sister gave birth. A few days later, I just had to transport him to the detox clinic. While he spent a week there I was in daily contact with his case worker and hustled to find funding for his rehab. I had funding lined up but the caseworker felt a short term rehab wouldn’t be the best fit. So, dad was lucky enough to get a bed at a yearlong treatment facility he would pay for by working for them. The stars aligned and everything worked out!

Normally the two week wait to find out if the IUI worked is slow, but this time it was full of getting dad in treatment centers and my sister with her new baby. My father was settled in long term treatment when I got my first positive pregnancy test.

 Duste and I were both in shock – it worked!

I only told a hand full of people at first. After two ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks the other at 8, I started telling a few more family members. It wasn’t until week 14 and our third ultrasound, did I post it on Facebook for everyone to know.

Our baby is growing and my pregnancy is progressing perfectly!

So – it doesn’t matter if you are stressed, it doesn’t matter if you have anxiety issues. The only things that matter is ovulation and strong sperm! Go easy on yourself, your body knows what to do! And for those who tell you if you’re too stressed or too worried it won’t work – as nice as you can, tell them they are full of shit!




Sunday, November 29, 2015

Final Day of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I struggled doing this daily. Often I would skip days I felt negative, not even wanting to mess with it. I would spend a few days catching up with several post and most of the time this pulled me out of my own head. I am determined to do these daily this second time around – I will record it in my journal. 

Day 29 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

It has helped me feel closer to my Center – but mostly it is helping me fight the demons in my own head. 

Day 28 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I LOVE this! To find something to be grateful for in every situation, even the unpleasant ones would be attitude altering!

Today we decorated the inlaws porch for Winter. It was cold but I had a great time hanging out with my wife; joking, playing, flirting – so today I am grateful for unplanned quality time with my wife! 

Day 27 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I want those in my immediate circle to know how much I appreciate them. I will work on letting them know how much what they do means to me! 

Day 26 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

When I focus on what I don’t have it leaves me feeling sad, depressed, hopeless and anxious. When I focus on what I do have – which is hard to do once I am in the negative cycle—I feel happy, excited and full of hope! Obviously I prefer to focus on the positive, it’s a hard habit to get into but I will keep trying!