Exhaustion and an Eli Update!

As the calm settles in and I get back into my own routine the exhaustion takes hold. There were a few days there when I was running on 2 or less hours of sleep, plus with the stress, but at the time felt fine. It has caught up with me now. These past few days I am going to bed, without reading, and falling asleep before 10pm. I am hoping, as the weekend is fast approaching, by next week I will be feeling like myself again.
 

I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend/ evenings in my living room, on my sofa in front of the big nice TV we haven’t been able to enjoy since buying it! Oh how I’ve missed my DVR!

 

In other news—

Mr Eli Joseph was released from Riley Children’s Hospital on Wednesday evening! He is home settling in with his older brother. He is eating more than enough, pooing like a pro and enjoying life at home! We will be going to see him and his brother in a few days! I am so glad all of this is behind us and he can get to know life as enjoyable and not painful. NawNaw and NeNe love their little boys so very much!

Emotional Eating....

During the craziness of Eli at Riley my ceilings were in the process of being re-done. One room was supposed to take 3 days—it took 7. The next room didn’t take as long but they put in longer days. Now my house is covered top to bottom with dry wall dust. In my spare time I need to clean each room from top to bottom and also put everything back in its place. For over a week now we have lived in just a few rooms of the house. Our bedroom has become the living room, dining room, and catch all. I have felt like a kid again living in my mom’s house with only the bedroom to call my own. I am so excited to get the house back but not about cleaning it-ugh!

I have also found it is tough to eat healthy while eating out for dinner. The hospital and the places around the hospital don’t have a lot of good choices. In all the mess I stopped logging my calories for the day—there for a while we were living minute by minute and it was near impossible to worry about how many calories I was eating. I just tried to make the best decisions I could giving the options I had in front of me. My weight has stayed the same, so I suppose that is good, but I really need to get back to exercising, walking and seeing the personal trainer. My sweet Duste has passed me again and now weighs less than me. She looks great and I am very proud of her but it really shouldn’t be so easy for her and so hard for me—ha! To make matters worse I am an emotional eater and stress/worry is my trigger. I ate a cookie here and there, some frozen yogurt and stole a few fries. But what I really wanted/could do was eat, eat and eat some more so I think over all I controlled it fairly well—did I mention in the middle of all this I started my period? (Another thing that triggers my over eating)

It is a struggle and sometimes I don’t always win but one week of not so great eating for one meal a day won’t make me gain it all back. I just have to get myself back on track and log my calories so I know where I am each day.

Life happens, stress happens, periods happen and the unexpected happen—all we can do is do the best we can and roll with it. Like a tree in a storm, you either bend with the wind or you break.

My New Nephew!

As Keaton Michael would say “Eli Joseph just came out” on Sunday July 14^th at 8:14am. He was 7lbs 12oz and 19.5” long. We spent the next two days feeding, holding and admiring him, the perfect little buddle. Until Monday evening when finally a nurse took a look at him because things just didn’t look right in his diaper and he still hadn’t pooped. That was when we were told he has an Imperforated Anus and he would be transferred to Riley Children’s Hospital an hour away.

What a roller coaster—one minute everything is fine and we are preparing for him to go home in the morning and the next we are told there is something seriously wrong, so wrong we have to go an hour north to the Children’s Hospital.

Imperforated Anus is a type of birth defect that affects more boys than girls and occurs once in every 5,000 births. Typically babies born with this also have other health issues and birth defects. However, we got lucky! After lots of test everything else is fine, everything else connects he just didn’t have an opening.

He still has to stay at Riley for observation and after a week today he gets his first bottle. As long as feeding goes well they will be going home this week!

All of this has been a journey; emotionally, financially and mentally. It has exhausted us all but we are nearing the end and that’s what keeps us going.

I am excited to say I was in the room when Eli Joseph was born and it was an experience! Amanda did great and only need to push a few times and he was out! It was amazing to see, so much to take in and for me it all happened so fast! I loved the look on Keaton’s face when he was brought into the room to meet his little brother. Keaton Michael is an amazing big brother and took right to the role. I got to keep Keaton a few days and we had a blast. He and Ivy got close and were playing very well together. We would start and end the day with a visit to the local hospital to see Mom, Dad and Eli. Keaton would insist on holding Eli at the start and end of each visit. Keaton and I even had shirts made that say “I’m the big brother” and “I’m the little brother” with their last names on the back! He was very excited about that! I am a blessed NawNaw to have two very adorable little boys in my life.

 

 

My sister and I may have our differences, we may not always agree on things and we may but heads but when things get tough, when things get hard, we are always there for each other. I knew my role at the hospital when Eli was born because we had done this when Keaton was born. This time we had a week of hell at Riley to add to this. I did my best to keep spirits high, be encouraging and do what I could. I have made daily trips up to the hospital, stayed all night without sleeping a few times and made sure we had food in our bellies. Because that is what I do, that is what they needed me to do and I couldn’t stand being at home just waiting on a phone call. I am not a hand off sister, nawnaw or sister in law.

Things in my own life may have been crazy at the time, finances not where you would want them with something like this going on but we got through it because sometimes that’s all you can do. Life is full of ups and downs and all you can do sometimes is hang on. But in the end the result, a healthy happy little boy, is worth it all!

Kiss your family, hug your babies and be thankful for the small things in life!

 

NawNaw with Eli

NeNe with Eli

 

Doing something…..

I have always said if you’re not happy DO something. So, with some nudging from my wonderful supportive Duste, I have put one foot in front of the other and have taken charge of my professional life. I am doing something and it feels great! I feel like I am back in control, like I am no longer a sitting duck, no longer a victim! I am checking into the insurance requirements, in case I accept a part time position that offers no insurance I want to still be eligible to get my own policy the first of the year. Oh to be young and healthy again and not worry with health insurance.

As suggested by my wonderful Duste, I have packed up all the personal things on my desk. I think this will send a clear signal, which is exactly what they need. I want to make them sweat, make them realize they can’t treat me unfairly and I will just take it. Even if I do end up staying for the next 5 months, this will let them know I am serious. That makes my evil side smile!

To be honest, I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch their reactions when they come in Monday/Tuesday and notice my desk is bare—as I am off for the first 3 days next week. By the time I get back they will have worried and sweat like crazy and by “they” I mean “she”. (hehe—my evil side again)

Although I find myself on a dimly lit path I will continue walking to see where it leads, I will not fear this change, it is necessary for my health and happiness!

Working

Working has enabled me to have the life I do. I am able to afford vacations, home improvements and other extras. With us both working again it allows us to work on the house more aggressively. I have the money to have my nails done, my spa days every 6wks, personal training, vacations and tattoo dreams. All these things I am grateful for.

 But……

Working has also caused a lot of stress. I work in the mental health field which subjects me to a lot of negativity. What is worse than all that is the people who work here. We have the co-worker who would not think twice about throwing you under the bus to save herself, a Manic Bipolar Betty, a Clueless and Blind Blonde, A big mouth know it all and plenty of negative Nancy’s. These people wear on me and have worn me down after 7 years. It seems the up tightness, the everything is so serious and I must be a part of everything attitude has got worse as my “I don’t give a shit” has taken over. It’s one person that makes the everyday so stressful. I try not to give her that much power but her moods do have an impact on how my day will be. The days she isn’t here are so much more relaxed. You can actually feel the energy change. This is something that has been going on for 7 years but seems to have gotten worse in the last few months. When she gives me a hurdle however, I do step back and come up with a way to get around it, through it or over it; which has caused a lot of the negative energy to be directed at me and not sent out to the entire front office. Trained monkeys are not supposed to think for themselves or problem solve.

What I have learned working here for this long is; I don’t like working with all females. They are moody, unpredictable and most are bad leaders because they lead with their emotions and not their brains. I am the type of person who wants to know the rules. I do not like it when they can be bent or changed or only enforced when the mood hits. Rules are Rules.

 

I am ready for a change, which is the understatement of the year. Once I get my own insurance January 2014, put in my month notice, I will start looking for a part time job. I want something different. Not an office. Maybe something with Animals, I have worked with people, babies and grownups that were like babies, I have worked retail, office and daycare—now maybe it can be animals!

Like I always say, life it too short to be anything but happy; life is too short to be this stressed and if you’re not happy do something about it—so I am!

The Cummins thing didn’t work out so we took another path. Then the affordable health care act came into play and we focused on that. Duste has a great job that has competitive wages to Cummins we just have to make adjustments to carry me on insurance. Sure we didn’t plan on that but sometimes you need to adjust the sails, redo the plan and carry on!

Everyone deserves to be happy—sometimes it takes work, but it is always better than being unhappy!

 

 

 

 

 

The journey of changing my name….

I have decided to change my last name to that of my wonderful partner’s. As I blindly find my way through the paperwork and legalness I decided to take you with me!

So far, the system isn’t set up for names changes without marriage. I went to the Clerk’s Office at the local court house and found there is a packet of information I need to fill out and bring back. I did this and this week will turn it back in. Then she said I will have to take a paper to the local Newspaper to have an ad in the paper stating I want to change my name and that will run for 3wks, the last one running 30 days before I can get a court date. The newspaper will send me a receipt, which I have to attach to my packet and bring with me on the date. I will then go before the judge to ask if I can change my name.  Of course none of this is free—I have to pay the clerk to file my paper work and get a court date ($145) and pay the newspaper to run the add everyday for a month.  ($160)

I then looked up what will all need to be changed when I get my new last name—

Credit Cards, Bills, Bank, HR stuff at work, Insurance—house and personal, drivers license and Social Security card. My plan is to attack the Social Security office 1^st, then DMV and go from there.

It’s a lot to take on, a lot to take in and a lot of steps but I am so excited and it is sooo going to be worth it! Soon I will be Talisa Ann Eggers!!

I wonder sometimes how certain people are going to take this and other news that is coming very soon—like her parents but I think all will go well. A lot of people are just now getting comfortable with us or getting really good at ignoring it and here I go again rocking the boat! Ha! I can’t help it, I want the same things every other straight girl wants and by god I will have them…..I’m like the mail man—nothing will stop me!

 --Update—

The night before it was to run in the paper I sent a text to my parents. My mother’s response was short and sweet with “ok” but my father pleasantly surprised me with “I respect and decision you make—I love you!” Of course my Soul Mom Brenda was supportive and shared in my excitement! I also told my sister Amanda, who was over the moon with excitement, I would like to note here she doesn’t even know about part two coming in October. Lastly we broke the news to Duste’s parents on Friday who were excited I was going to carry their last name!  So all went well with part one—part two will come soon enough. I will let everyone have a little time to adjust to this before the BIG NEWS comes!

 The court mailed me my appointment date set for Early August! Things are rolling right along!