Ultrasounds

Finally Pregnant!!

Our fourth IUI was a success!!

It shouldn’t have been, based on the theory that if you are under too much stress it will not work. It was a very ridiculous stressful time for me, I’m talking Anxiety / Panic attacks and all. I wasn’t sleeping, was barely eating and lost 5 lbs. right before my scheduled IUI.

The stress came from dealing with my father and his issues. I walked away from my father a year ago, after I told him he could not be in my life in his current condition. Since then he became unemployed, homeless and drinking mouth wash to cope with his addiction. Most people had given up on him and instead of finding help, they called the cops on him every time he showed up. The cops would just drive him around and drop him at a 24hr restaurant, never offering any additional help. This continued for months. I would watch the paper, expecting to hear he was found dead somewhere in our town.

Then after a disgusting and disturbing email from my father’s brother, I decided to reach out to my dad. A local agency had been putting him up in a hotel room and he was busy trying to find a job – the only problem, he was still actively drinking. Unfortunately, reaching out meant he started calling (again) several times, at all hours, leaving mean message as the evening progressed when I didn’t answer. Soon enough the funding ran out and since he did not have a job, he was out on the street. My wife paid for 5 days to keep him in a room and off the streets, as it was winter, but we could not afford to do this long term. He called as he left the hotel and asked me to pick up his things behind the dumpster. It was heartbreaking to gather up his things among the heroin needles. It was devastating to see all he had were a few grocery bags of clothing left. He wondered the streets and ended up at his ex-wife’s, my mothers, sun porch. My mom called me in desperation. I made some phone calls and found out that if I could get him to the ER there was chance they could get him a bed in a rehab. It was shocking to see him after a year. He had lost so much weight and looked twice his age. He looked like a homeless man, wearing layers of mix matched clothes, his hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved. After the cops came and talked him into going to the ER, I spent hours with him in the hospital for them to tell us they had no beds. This is when the anxiety attacks began – I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt heavy and when I did try to sleep I would wake up gasping for air. While he was safe in his hotel room, I found an agency to cover the cost for a few days, I started reaching out to all the local agencies to find him some help. I learned he HAD to go through the ER. So, after a few days back we went. This time it wasn’t as easy, he took off and was missing for several hours and when he reappeared he was very drunk but the people at the hospital handled it more seriously. While he was missing, my youngest sister went into labor. As she yelled in pain I was on the phone trying to secure funding for detox. The only problem – they couldn’t take him until the following week.  I was lucky that two wonderful ladies I used to work with were now in positions at the hospital to help me. One got him admitted for a few days for him to sober up while the other got him admitted for the weekend for observation. Keeping him in the local hospital until he could get in to detox. 

I was scheduled for my 4^th IuI the day after my sister gave birth. A few days later, I just had to transport him to the detox clinic. While he spent a week there I was in daily contact with his case worker and hustled to find funding for his rehab. I had funding lined up but the caseworker felt a short term rehab wouldn’t be the best fit. So, dad was lucky enough to get a bed at a yearlong treatment facility he would pay for by working for them. The stars aligned and everything worked out!

Normally the two week wait to find out if the IUI worked is slow, but this time it was full of getting dad in treatment centers and my sister with her new baby. My father was settled in long term treatment when I got my first positive pregnancy test.

 Duste and I were both in shock – it worked!

I only told a hand full of people at first. After two ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks the other at 8, I started telling a few more family members. It wasn’t until week 14 and our third ultrasound, did I post it on Facebook for everyone to know.

Our baby is growing and my pregnancy is progressing perfectly!

So – it doesn’t matter if you are stressed, it doesn’t matter if you have anxiety issues. The only things that matter is ovulation and strong sperm! Go easy on yourself, your body knows what to do! And for those who tell you if you’re too stressed or too worried it won’t work – as nice as you can, tell them they are full of shit!

 

 

 

Final Day of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I struggled doing this daily. Often I would skip days I felt negative, not even wanting to mess with it. I would spend a few days catching up with several post and most of the time this pulled me out of my own head. I am determined to do these daily this second time around – I will record it in my journal. 

Day 29 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

It has helped me feel closer to my Center – but mostly it is helping me fight the demons in my own head. 

Day 28 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I LOVE this! To find something to be grateful for in every situation, even the unpleasant ones would be attitude altering!

Today we decorated the inlaws porch for Winter. It was cold but I had a great time hanging out with my wife; joking, playing, flirting – so today I am grateful for unplanned quality time with my wife! 

Day 27 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I want those in my immediate circle to know how much I appreciate them. I will work on letting them know how much what they do means to me! 

Day 26 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

When I focus on what I don’t have it leaves me feeling sad, depressed, hopeless and anxious. When I focus on what I do have – which is hard to do once I am in the negative cycle—I feel happy, excited and full of hope! Obviously I prefer to focus on the positive, it’s a hard habit to get into but I will keep trying!

Day 25 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I want to be a positive, grateful person who is light hearted and able to appreciate each day. I want to say more positive than negative things, say thank you more than I criticize and show those in my life how much I do love them. 

Day 24 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

I am going to make a serious effort at this – I know those around me would really appreciate it. I think this would really brighten everyone’s day and in turn make myself feel lighter inside. 

day 23 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

To live in gratitude to me means a person who is positive, light hearted, who is able to see the good in each day, each moment. I strive to be this person. 

day 22 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

I have a lot of work to do! I try to catch myself before I let the negative thought continue, stop it, then I try to replace it with a positive thought. Yes, it is hard. My mind things a million negative thoughts for every handful of positive….ugh! 

day 21 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

This would be a wonderful gift to everyone around you. To just acknowledge people, smile and say or do something nice. I don’t get out of the house much, by choice, but when I do I will do my best to make this a new habit. 

Day 20 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I’ve been given so many gifts throughout my life.

• I have a beautiful home that will be paid off in under 15yrs.
• I have an amazing wife who is my best friend and supporter – our relationship alone is something to be marveled at.
• We have our future financially secure as well as the in-laws.
• I had the mental strength and support to make the right decisions growing up not make the same mistakes those around me had.
• My wife and I had the support of our family for our relationship.
• We have the ability to pursue the chance to have our child.
• My Last MRI was Clear – the first time I’ve made it to the 3 yr mark!
• I got the time to develop close relationships with those who have now past. 

Day 19 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

Although, currently my family has shrank dramatically I am thankful for those I still have in my life. We may disagree, we may not always understand each other and we may not be the Classic Typically Family but it’s all I have so I am thankful for the few.

Day 18 of the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge

I think it is easy to get caught up in Negative Thinking. It is easy to think you will be more thankful when you are Happy – but it is the opposite. You first have to be thankful to be happy. That is a hard one right, to be thankful when you’re not feeling happy. It is hard to see anything to be thankful for when you are unhappy. But the truth is we all have a lot to be thankful for – from the simplest things to the big personal triumphs. 

day #17 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

I am in my head so much I often miss things around me. While taking my daily walks I started fighting to be in the moment. I make myself listen to the wind, the breeze in the trees, the birds and the wildlife. I make a point to notice the clouds, the colors of the sky, the playful wildlife and the trees. It is a continuing fight the entire time I am walking but I am hopeful one day it will be easier. 

Day #16 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

When family members started passing I realized it is important to tell those you love how much you appreciate them. I try to make it a habit to express this love and gratitude as much as I can.

My wife is the most important person to me. I appreciate her so very much. One letter would not come close to verbalizing this so I will continue to tell her and show her every day!

My Soul Mom Brenda was brought into my life when I was really young and has been a guiding force since.  I tell her often what she means to me and will continue to do so.

Although my in-laws cause me stress I understand how much they have done and continue to do for us. I am sure to thank the father in-law for all the help because it is something I wish he would do more of. 

Day #15 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

I think this is a balancing act with family. We do a lot for those we love which can lead to feeling used when these things aren’t acknowledged. Those in my immediate circle do make it a habit of saying Thank You and showing our appreciation to one another. But I am sure we all do little things that often go unnoticed.

I think this would be better for those who work outside the home. 

day #14 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

Good Memories

Our wedding day is one of my favorite memories. It was a beautiful October Sunday in Story Indiana and we were surrounded by our closest family and friends. It was the first time my mom, her husband, my father, his girlfriend and my soul mother came all together to support me. Everyone was on their best behavior and things went perfectly!

The day we bought our house is another. I was filled with so much excitement and pride! My soul mom, father and in-laws all came out to help with the moving, decorating and repair work.

My college graduation party was a wonderful day. We all gathered on a beautiful day at Brown County State Park. We chose the perfect shelter house and several people went early to decorate. We had a pitch in and enjoyed the day with a large group of family.

Day # 13 of the 30 day Gratitude Challenge

What is working in my life –

My marriage is working and working wonderfully! I am loved, supported and it’s because of her I want to be a better person.

My life at home is working. It was scary leaving my job to make that leap to just one income but it is working!

Our lifestyle is working – we haven’t gained all the weight back and it’s been two years since we started on this journey.

Our Life Together is working! 

What is working in the world –

We now have equal rights!

We now can be legally married!

I can now be covered on her Insurance! 

People around the world are finally waking up --

To realize animal cruelty is not the answer to quick/cheap food.
To seeing unrecognizable ingredients in all our products and asking question about these chemicals.
To understand the way society is set up is not working and it's time to do something about it.