Monday, May 21, 2012

A little stresssssssed

There are two things that really stress me out:

1.       The health of a loved family member and pets

2.       Money

 At the same time we found out our dog has bone cancer Duste’s dad was in the hospital. He is now released and will not follow doctor’s orders at all. He wants to argue about everything and his wife, Duste’s mother, does not want to take care of him. She wants and has always wanted everything to be about her. Duste is trying to get it through his thick head what he needs to do without beating on him. Ahhh!

Sadie seems stabilized, I suppose. Everything is the same, just different if that makes any sense. She is breathing strangely at night which has me worried getting up and down to check on her throughout the night. It is so hard with animals because they can’t talk and tell you what they are feeling, instead I am stuck watching for signs and noticing everything. Bone Cancer will kill a dog in one of two ways: one it will spread to the lungs making it hard for them to breathe or two it will cause so much pain because it is eating away at the bone that pain meds won’t work anymore. This is why I am watching her breathing so much. We also don’t know how fast it is spreading or progressing but we did have an x-ray done a wk ago and it wasn’t in her lungs. The vet did say once it gets in their lungs you have less than a month.  I am having a really hard time breathing myself. This is just too much.

Oh but then the money stress comes in. We are on one income right now and we were making it fine—until all this. It was $400 to take Sadie to the vet, then another $60 to take her to the holistic vet. Her pain meds are around $100 for two weeks and her new supplements are $200 for a month. My sister needs me to cover the first week of daycare, which she will pay back, that is $244 this week and construction continues on the house which is always pulling out of the savings. $1,000 here $1,000 there. Did I mention I am having a hard time breathing…

 I need for things to take a positive turn for us. It seems every time things start looking like they are going in the right direction something terrible happens. Oh let me count the ways: my grandma died, the chicken got sick, a chicken died, the duck has scoliosis, Sadie has bone cancer, Jim has some unknown blood disease and Duste hasn’t gotten that call to come back to work. Nope grouping them together does not make me feel better.

I try to stay positive—the factory our future depends on says they will call soon. They say they want her back. They said 2012 was the year; we are almost 6months in and no call. She needs this job, we need this job.  It is the only factory that offers household insurance, if we ever want a family then they have to call. When she goes back to work it will really help with the financial stress but of course that would open up more problems for us—like who will be home to watch the dog and give her the meds she needs. I will be worried sick if Sadie has to stay home for 8hrs alone wondering if she is still doing ok. Sure 90 days doesn’t seem that long unless you have a dog with bone cancer—hell I can’t even think about this weekend. I really need to breathe…

Then there is my job—I have to come here and deal with everyone and all their problems. The people I work with are so needy; listen to me whine about things that aren’t that important but I am going to make it a big deal. I am going to explode—into tears most likely. I want to be left alone. Just let me deal with my shit and you deal with your own. We are both adults here, I am sure if you think about it you can figure out what you do with the form and where it goes. UGH!

I want to go home and spend the day with my dog. I don’t care about the people at work or the problems. They aren’t the ones that matter to me. I DON’T CARE!!!

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