Be Calm and Carry On........

Monday was a really bad night for Sadie. She cried all night and would only rest if I held her. This was really unlike her as she is a very independent girl. Her breathing was fast and short and I knew things weren’t right. That night we both got maybe 2 hrs of sleep. I begged a new vet to see us the next morning as I could not put her through a moment more of pain. A very nice vet took us and we prepared ourselves. After an x-ray the diagnosis was in—it was what I feared a month before—Bone Cancer. I was in shock, I knew what that meant, and I have prepared myself for this a month ago. I stood there frozen; wrapping my brain around what he was saying…..I started making phone calls to the family once I could get myself to say the words.

The vet thinks we have under a year left. He put her on new pain meds and as long as she is comfortable and happy we will do all we can. She has had a good past couple of days, sleeping through the night and enjoying the warm sun and cool grass. We will keep her with us as long as she wants to be here. She is seeing a Holistic Vet tomorrow that will help us with this journey and keep her quality of life as good for as long as we can.

I am determined to give her the best days ahead I can. We are planning a lot more family things at our home because she isn’t just loved by us she is loved by our family. We are going to spend as much time as we can with her; stopping more often to pet her, especially when we leave and come home—because you never know when that last time will be. What day will be her last good day and how did she spend that day—that is what I keep thinking. Unfortunately I have to work and leaving in the morning is harder than normal now. I do not want her last day here to be a day I was away for most of it. 12yrs isn’t long enough. 12yrs is too young.  

I just cannot imagine what it is going to be like coming home without her being there. She is a good girl and she is going to be hard to live without. She is going to be so missed and missed by many. She has a brother waiting for her on the other side, along with a few of her friends. She will be happy—able to run and dig holes again. I hope for her sake there is some snow for her to run in! 

So, I am taking lots of deep breaths and trying to focus on the day and not the future. Staying in the moment is something I have never been good at….