I believe....

I believe we are all here to learn our own lessons. I believe in life after death, in reincarnation and the chance to be reunited with our loved ones from this life on the other side. I believe in a heaven for everyone, a place of learning and higher understanding. I believe our God is good and not spiteful.

I do not believe in hell. There is no place for “bad” people. If someone goes astray from their life lesson I believe they are placed on a hold of sorts to learn study and become ready for their next journey down.

These are the things I believe in.

No way Jesus!

A co-worker’s father passed away and I attended the Life Celebration to show the companies support. I have to say a Life Celebration is way better than funerals. It was in a new church, the newest type of church. It is a huge building that could easily have been a school. There was a café inside—a café! As I sat on the ultra comfortable seat listening to a preacher read and talk about passages in the bible, trying his best to make it relevant to his audience, I actually listened.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church with the preacher stomping, jumping yelling, screaming all about fire and brimstone. I tuned it out. On occasion I would hear a few words and decided it wasn't worth trying to understand.

However, this time I was in front of a calm preacher, which made it easier to hear, and I listened for the first time. Before this I thought I knew the basics of Christianity but I left more confused than ever. I came home to my wife, who went to “Church” school and always listened in church and in school. She got out one of the many bibles we have managed to collect from family members and did her best to answer all my questions.  

Since this is my blog—prepare yourself—I’m going to say Christianity is ridiculous.

Come on, if any of that stuff about Jesus happened now days we would write him off as bat shit crazy—unless he really could raise people from the dead, then he would be amazing! That is where a lot of my questions started—bringing people back from the dead? Like zombies or people with brain damage, maybe they were just in a coma or were they in on it? What quality of life did these people have once they were “raised from the dead”? And let’s face it—Mary’s story is a bit far fetched. As Jesus grew up did his mother repeat this ridiculous story to him and that’s where he got his knowledge of it? Without this story from Mary would he have grown up as a “normal” boy? If truly connected to god one could argue this would have been a test, if he would have come to this conclusion on his own, and then there is the fact mental illness is hereditary.

So here I am—31 and still don’t know what religion I am. I know what I believe and what I believe is more than any book or person can tell me. What I believe is what I feel, it is what I know. It’s not hear say, it’s not someone else’s memories. It just is. I may not have a title or label for it but that doesn't mean it’s any less true, it’s any less real. 

Desmoid Tumor FREE

MRI is CLEAR

For the first time in 6 years I have clear scans two years after a surgery! My next MRI will be in a year or after the birth of my first child. (No, I’m not pregnant yet!)

 It is an amazing feeling to be tumor free! There were times I didn't think I would ever get to this point. I had my doubts, I watched for signs of impending doom that weren't there, questioned every ache and pain but at last the scan is clear!

Dare I think this is over, they got it all and it won’t be back?

2008 is when my journey of tumor removal surgery started and that journey has ended now in 2014!

Throughout this journey I have gotten healthier and more conscious of what I expose my body to. I have got more physically active and I am taking charge of my well being. Not having an answer to what causes such a traumatic event opens your eyes to lots of possibilities forcing you to either give up or take charge.

I was fortunate in that all 3 of my desmoids tumors were removable surgically. I would never want to let this foreigner live inside of me, grabbing everything it can, taking over my body slowly. I never want to know the world of chemo and/or radiation. Once found I was eager to get all 3 out!

I put my body, myself and my family through a lot but hopefully it is paying off now.

Since they do not know what causes these tumors, although there are lots of speculation, the journey we are about to embark on is with unknown risk.

Getting pregnant may or may not cause my body to develop another tumor, but not getting pregnant can also result in another tumor. I have said it many times—I will not let this tumor decide my fate, the life I will have or what I cannot have.  

Happiness is something you decide, regardless of your life circumstance.