Focus

It’s time to focus on me, it’s time to focus on my wife, our life and our pursuit of a baby.

This has been coming for years – it’s easy to track the progress on my past post, conversations I have had with close friends and the pain in my heart. I knew it was coming, I knew it was a choice that I would have to make, I knew I was avoiding the hardest decision of my life.

I couldn’t keep taking on all this stress, heartache and betrayal.

It’s time for me – it’s time to live my life!

I am done taking care of people, I am done being used. I have spent most of my life taking care of others who were not my responsibility to take care of. If I keep on this road I will never have time for me, for my life. What kind of wife have I been / will I be, what kind of mother would I be if I continue like this. This has to end, this has to stop.

So now I am changing my focus. It’s time to be 100% focused on my wife, our life and our future.

Change is hard, change is necessary.

My wish for the future – to have a relationship with my two nephews without being used, abused and stressed from the adults.

Maybe, just maybe, IF things dramatically change we can be a family again but I am not holding my breath.

It is what it is, they are who they are. IF anyone else caused me this much pain they would have been gone, for good, a long time ago. IF it wasn’t for those two precious boys I wouldn’t have put myself through this so many times. I can’t do this for another 6 years. Things have to change and change is happening now.