Planning A Trip

It is a cure for the Winter Blues, sadness, and a wonderful escape from the everyday. I usually start planning our summer trips in January because it is the worst month for Winter Blues. This is a time I can dream of somewhere warmer and that gives me something to look forward to when the snow and ice are falling outside. We typically get a tax refund and this funds our trips for the summer so planning early is needed. Oh, who am I kidding, I am a planner so planning is what I do.

Last Memorial Day we went to Indiana Dunes. It’s a short drive up north to a lovely lake side cottage that had views out of every window of Lake Michigan, which looks more like an ocean than a lake.  We instantly fell in love! I love the ocean but being in Indiana a drive to a beach is a long and expensive one. We had taken trips to other lakes, Kentucky Lake being one of them, but they were just that, a lake. Lake Michigan is huge with waves and beaches. The Dunes, huge sand hills, are something to see. Indiana Dunes is a mix of everything we both love! We stayed in Porter, Indiana which is right on Lake Michigan feet from Indiana Dunes State Park. The best part of the trip was sitting in the bed on the enclosed porch watching a thunder storm over the lake—ahh breathe taking! It was a short trip, just a holiday weekend, but we enjoyed every minute of it! When we arrived it was cool out, as in we needed the baseboard heaters on and when we left we had the air conditioner on. In between we had the windows open to enjoy the sound of the waves hitting the shore.    Only in Indiana do you have to pack long sleeves and your swim suite!

Our very first trip out on our own was to Pagosa Springs, Colorado. A college professor of mine offered to let us stay in her little cabin in the mountains. It was a little over 24hrs away which we drove in a broke down van with three dogs. I do not know how we made it there and back alive and in once piece. We stopped at dark gas stations in the middle of nowhere late at night. We almost lost the credit card, which is what we were using for gas, several times. We did lose the gas cap and our muffler pipe separated from the muffler violating the noise ordinance, which we had to have fixed before we headed home because it was loud and freaking out the dogs. The dogs also ran away and we had to chase after them up and down a mountain. But other than the few things that we laugh about now, we had a wonderful trip. The scenery was unbelievable. Every window had a view that looked like a post card. This little cabin was two stories with 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, two balconies, heated floors, a two person tub, steam shower and a hot tub on a wraparound porch.  The entire town was on a nature preserve so the animals outnumber the people. Just driving down the road was a challenge, and not just because you were on the side of the mountain with no guard rails. There were mountain goats, elk, turkeys, bear and they had the attitude of you’re in my space. Once while in the bathroom I seen, out the huge bathroom window, an Elk so close I thought it was in the bathroom with me. Trust me; they are a lot bigger than you think! We went to an animal sanctuary while we were there and decided to never go outside at night again! We also drove to New Mexico and seen my first tumble weed—those things are just like in the movies. Since our first trip there we have always wanted to go back--we love Colorado!

Another favorite trip of mine was to the Smokey Mountains. We stayed in Cosby, TN in a little place called Garden of Eden. The sweetest old lady owns 4 cabins on wooded property, soon thick you cannot see the other cabins that are a ways away. Other than the woods there isn’t much else, which is why we always think of this place for a fall getaway.

Of course our trip to Florida is also high on my list. We stayed at Madera Beach in the cutest bungalows. There were 4 or so cottages that shared tiki huts with places to cook and eat outside. There was also a pool and hot tub. It was a short walk to the beach. Normally we would have stayed at a place right on the beach but with 4 of us, two being kids, we had to look at something more affordable with something for the kids to do when we weren’t at the beach.

We love to travel but since buying a house that has needed so many updates, we have limited our trips to shorter and local. I typically limit our budget to $1000—that is for housing, food and entertainment. Housing is where most of our budget is used because we like to stay in cabins, cottages and bungalows in out of the way places that are away from tourist areas.  

We are explorers!

A letter to my grandma~

I love you and I will miss you more than words can say. I miss the grandma you used to be, the grandma you are now, now that you are in heaven.  

I didn’t visit often, when you were sick. I hated seeing you that way. I never knew what to say or what not to say. But you knew that I loved you.

Before you got sick we weren’t as close as we used to be. I hope you understand this now—now that you are in heaven and reflecting back on things. I hope you see why I couldn’t do or be what you wanted me to. I think you will. I hope you always knew I loved you.

I will always look back and smile. You made my childhood and world worth being in. Your love carried me through so many bad times. Your love kept me on the right path.  Your love is so strong I can still feel it. Please know I will always think of you, I will always do my best to make you proud. I wish you were here to see my children. I would have loved to see that glow in your eyes when you met them! I will do my best to teach our children all the things you, grandpa and Aunt Penny taught me. You raised some tuff girls-just know that we will be ok, you should rest now. We love you grandma. You were an awesome mother and grandma.

It will get better with time….

But all I can think about is all the things that will never be. My grandma will never see any of my children. She will not see Keaton grow up. She will not see Jayde graduate.

I look back on my childhood, on the things I loved, and wished the same for Keaton and my future children. How Grandma’s house was always the house to gather. Even without a holiday or formal dinner. My mom would take us over for a visit and before long my Aunt was there with her kids. On warm days/nights we would gather on the front porch and watch the world go by. Grandma ran a daycare and all us girls got our start there before we were old enough to go to school. I was at my grandmas before school, after school and sometime during school—when I convinced her I was too sick to go. I lived with her on and off throughout my childhood as did my sisters. Our grandma was more than a grandma. That house was the heart of our family. I have so many memories of my grandparents. They surrounded me and my sisters with love and did the best they could with us. One of my earliest memories is of my grandma singing. She loved to sing and had a voice that could stop a war in its tracks. She would listen to the newest song she was trying to learn and iron. We would sit on the swing on warm evenings and she would sing. As I got older I saw how much she loved. She had the biggest heart and could take anyone in and make them feel like they belonged. She loved unconditionally and with her full heart. It was all the little things I hold dear to my heart now. All the little things: memories of her cooking, cleaning, singing, watching TV, swinging, and driving. It’s the little everyday things that mean the most, those are the things the matter, those are the things we remember.

My house will now be the house Keaton and my children remember. My house will be the house we gather for holidays and just because. It is up to us now, to teach Keaton and future children all the things the ones we have lost taught us.

Along with the feeling of grief is a new feeling. It feels empty. I feel lost. She was the safety net and now that she is gone I’m not sure where to turn. I am exhausted.

Grandma is now with Grandpa and her youngest daughter, my Aunt Penny. Those three together again, happy and healthy bring a smile to my face.

Things change, life changes. We can never have what once was. Things don’t stay the same. People grow older, people die. I hate this. I wish I could hold on to everything from my past that made me happy. My grandma and grandpa would still be alive and healthy living in the house I grew up in. My Aunt would still be alive, healthy and happy. We would still gather at grandmas, we would still sit on the porch on a nice day. I miss those times, those days; I miss those faces and voices.

I hope my future children and Keaton can look back on their childhood and have half the good memories I have. I hope we can provide them with all the warmth and love our grandparents did us. I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed and like I am sitting myself up for failure on this one, those are large shoes to fill.

I will miss you grandma—but everyone who knew you will miss you. You are a wonderful person and your family loved you so much. Give grandpa a big hug and let him kiss you and tell his stories one more time—how I miss his gruff deep voice. Tell Aunt Penny life isn’t the same without her and give her a hug and kiss from us. We will see you all again real soon—please keep an eye on us; we can us all the help we can get!  

I love you.

Anna England

On Sunday January 8^th my grandmother passed away. She had been sick around a year, fading but not fading fast. She held on. I hated to see her sick and weak. I hated to see her not like her independent, mouthy, feisty but very loving self. I never went to see her by myself. I always made my sister come with me. She was good at filling the silence when I didn’t know what to say. I sit her now, finding it hard to put my thoughts to words. Probably because I am still numb, there aren’t many thoughts in my head right now. I am blank and numb. I hate this. I hate this feeling, I hate this process. I hate the viewing and funeral. I also hate to see my sisters upset. When they cry, I cry. I want to make their tears go away, I want to never see them cry but this is something I cannot fix. So, I sit there, holding their hands or sometimes them to make the pain more bearable. My oldest of my little sisters is married. So now I hold my youngest and make sure the husband is doing his job with the other one. Meanwhile, Duste’s job is to take care of me. But I do not make this easy because I am too busy taking care of everyone else, plus she is a crier, which makes the rest of us worse. It is a mess. We are a mess. I hate this.

Yay! I had my last MRI for 2011 and it came back clear!! My doctor is very impressed with the results! We scheduled two more MRI’s for 2012 then we will go down to once a year for the next 3….

I have to say, the MRI wasn’t as bad this time. I listened to my Adel 21 CD and managed to hold real still (hard to do, trust me). They did the correct amount for the dye and I didn’t get sick! It was quick and easy—the techs were joking around calling me an MRI pro!

After the dr visit we had dinner and hit a few stores. I found a baby item I had been searching for and over all we had a good day!

I thought about what if—what if we got a bad result 3 days before Christmas. That would have been bad, real bad.

Negative thoughts often enter my mind, although I try to stop them, but when I can’t I just replace those thoughts with good ones.

I am sure I am in the clear now. I am sure this tumor is gone once and for all!

I continue with the personal training. It is a fight, a fight to get back what little muscle strength I can. 

I will continue the fight and the positive self talk and I look forward to what 2012 has in store me and my family! Good luck everyone and Happy New Year!!

Happy Holidays and other ramblings

 What a strange year it has been. 2011 had so much promise, so much potential. But if it is one thing I have learned this year it is, life cannot be predicted nor controlled, no matter how hard you try or how many plans you make.

I have started a Reflection Journal this month. Each night I write three positive things that have happened that day. Sometime these things come easily other days it is a struggle to come up with three. The point is to start feeling more grateful and I find on a bad day, after I have written my three things down, I go to bed feeling better about the day.

I am doing my best to avoid being overly stressed this holiday season. On thanksgiving I made everything I could the day before so on the actual day I would not be so overwhelmed and over it by the time company came. It worked! We enjoyed a nice long visit with family and ended the evening playing a game of Phase 10! This year we had my mom over, which has never happened. It went well and she is coming back over for Christmas dinner. I am really getting into the Holidays this year and have gone overboard with decorating. For Thanksgiving, Duste Keaton and I made hand turkeys, paper roll turkeys and colored leafs for decorating. At the end of the dinner everyone got to take home a paper roll turkey! How cute! For Christmas we are making Hand Print ornaments, which we will paint and put his name on and give them as gifts. Duste and I also made wooden snowflakes to decorate around the house. I want to be crafty so bad but it isn’t coming easily!

Duste has really stepped it up and I am more spoiled than ever. She does such sweet little things for me and I love and appreciate them all.  When I get home from work she has my house shoes and socks warm and in front of my spot on the sofa. She makes the bed and turns down my side so I can easily get under the covers. She packs my lunch and puts in special treats for me. The list goes on and on. She went to town and bought me several new pairs of PJ’s. Nice soft warm PJ’s because she was worried about me being too cold in my old ones. She is awesome and raises the bar higher than any man could ever compare to or compete with. She makes me smile. She makes me feel special and loved and wonderful. She is the only one for me. She is the only one who would put up with me—with all my attitude, mouthiness and issues. She is made for me! (Yes, I even feel this way when she is not spoiling me-ha!) She had gotten quite handy as well. She put shelves up in our living room closet the other day. They are sturdy, level and everyone is super impressed with them—including me! I am so lucky to have opened my eyes and mind just in time not to miss her in my life!

I am now getting acupuncture for my “bad” leg--where the Desmoid Tumors were. I have had three treatments a week apart and for the most part it has really made a difference in my pain. Winter time in Indiana is not so easy for me and hasn’t been since 2007.  (First tumor) The cold rainy days seem to get the best of me but sometimes just the cold makes walking hard. Lucky for me, we have a hot tub and without it I don’t think I could get through these long Indiana winters. My 2^nd scar is so faint now it is hard to even pick up in pictures, but the indent is still there. I am thinking by next year it will be more filled in, maybe or maybe not. I am still seeing a personal trainer who is dealing with my weight issues-from thyroid problems-and strengthening/retraining my muscles in my “bad” leg. All of the doctors agree this is the best thing I could be doing. My knee is still a big problem. It has gone back to wanting to bend in and not support me. So, I wear a brace a lot of the time. But I am happy and healthy (enough) and I keep on keeping on! I go for my next MRI December 22^nd. Duste will be going with me and we are going to try to make the trip a fun thing, if the weather will corporate!

Well, now that we are caught up—Have a wonderful Holiday, from Duste and Talisa!

A crazy wedding story….

My sister was married on September 10^th, 2011.

She had decided to have her wedding and reception at our family church. As a family we had gone to this church longer than I have been born. My partner and her parents have also gone to this church for many years, so they knew us well. 8 days before the wedding my sister called the preacher to ask if we could have a bounce house in the parking lot. That is when he told her he could not do the wedding or allow it to be held in the church because my partner, David's best man, was a woman that would be wearing a suit. Let me state this again—8 days before the wedding! What a mess!

When my sister told me this I could not believe my ears. I thought something like this might happen but I thought if it was going to happen it would have before this point. He knew very well my partners name and knew she was on the groom's side. (He stated he thought, when given the names of the wedding party, my partner was a man—that is BS. He knows us and knows who she is.) At first he didn't have a problem and now he does? What makes it worse, his wife is related to my partner. This is unbelievable. My partner and I told her to go ahead with the wedding as planned without her but my sister would hear none of it.

Amanda is an amazing person. So strong willed and bull headed. (Wonder where she gets that from) She could have carried on with her wedding without my partner and that would have been the easiest solution. Nope, she would have none of it. She knew what was right, she knew what was important and if it meant sacrificing her wedding to have it the way she wanted it, with the people she loved in it, then so be it!

My sister and I worked all the next day to find a place to have the wedding—with 7 days to spare. By the end of the day we found a gym we could have it at and a priestess to do it. Shew!

My sister surprised me that night when she was in tears telling me how unfair it was and how we would just have it somewhere else. She sacrificed her wedding, her church wedding, for me and for us. She is so passionate about rights for same sex couples; she has done most of her college papers on it. Lots of people SAY they are but not many would have DONE something like this, especially on such an important day. She is an amazingly strong person! We cannot thank her enough for that sacrifice. I wished I could have given her the most elegant most perfect wedding, she deserved it. How did I get so lucky to have a sister like her? When did she get so strong? She may be 7 years younger than me but she is still teaching me things!

I LOVE YOU AMANDA--we Love you so very much! You stood up for us in the face of a preacher, which took some nerve! You're amazing, you're awesome, you're great and I am so proud to have you as my sister and my BESTEST EVER friend!!