Devastation

I knew something was coming when I looked out my bed room window and there was a dead baby bird. Something was coming, I could feel it.

I never expected this. I never thought of this—I should have known better. I should have seen it coming.

I set here with tear stained cheeks trying to make since of it. Trying to put those hurtful words together, like a puzzle, trying to understand them. I just don't understand, I don't understand. Your hurtful, painful, soul crushing words swirl around my head like a thick dust cloud. I cannot make out the words, I cannot understand.

I did not see this coming. I am so hurt, torn and broke. A new kind of broke but an old familiar one as well. I had completely let my guard down with you. I allowed you in-you're the only one who made it back in once the walls went up. I never thought you of all people, would do this to me.

I may act strong, but I am weak. Everyone has their breaking point. Everyone has a heart. Mine is broke, not fractured but broke. Do you even think of what pain your words will cause, do you even care? I built my life around you and him. My future always had you in mind. I wonder now if I ever meant that much to you….

The next step is one I do not want to think about. How can I when I know what I need to do. I do not want to, I do not want to. Isn't there someway this can just all go away, isn't there some way?

I stand here looking out at the house I thought was strong. The family we all built together, small but mighty. I never thought it would be destroyed from within. Now all that is left is the original one room cottage. That cottage kept me safe when all else failed. She is the only one I can truly count on.

I feel the numbness creeping in. Ahh, that familiar relief. Just shut down when the pain comes, just shut down. …….