A little stresssssssed

There are two things that really stress me out:

1.       The health of a loved family member and pets

2.       Money

 At the same time we found out our dog has bone cancer Duste’s dad was in the hospital. He is now released and will not follow doctor’s orders at all. He wants to argue about everything and his wife, Duste’s mother, does not want to take care of him. She wants and has always wanted everything to be about her. Duste is trying to get it through his thick head what he needs to do without beating on him. Ahhh!

Sadie seems stabilized, I suppose. Everything is the same, just different if that makes any sense. She is breathing strangely at night which has me worried getting up and down to check on her throughout the night. It is so hard with animals because they can’t talk and tell you what they are feeling, instead I am stuck watching for signs and noticing everything. Bone Cancer will kill a dog in one of two ways: one it will spread to the lungs making it hard for them to breathe or two it will cause so much pain because it is eating away at the bone that pain meds won’t work anymore. This is why I am watching her breathing so much. We also don’t know how fast it is spreading or progressing but we did have an x-ray done a wk ago and it wasn’t in her lungs. The vet did say once it gets in their lungs you have less than a month.  I am having a really hard time breathing myself. This is just too much.

Oh but then the money stress comes in. We are on one income right now and we were making it fine—until all this. It was $400 to take Sadie to the vet, then another $60 to take her to the holistic vet. Her pain meds are around $100 for two weeks and her new supplements are $200 for a month. My sister needs me to cover the first week of daycare, which she will pay back, that is $244 this week and construction continues on the house which is always pulling out of the savings. $1,000 here $1,000 there. Did I mention I am having a hard time breathing…

 I need for things to take a positive turn for us. It seems every time things start looking like they are going in the right direction something terrible happens. Oh let me count the ways: my grandma died, the chicken got sick, a chicken died, the duck has scoliosis, Sadie has bone cancer, Jim has some unknown blood disease and Duste hasn’t gotten that call to come back to work. Nope grouping them together does not make me feel better.

I try to stay positive—the factory our future depends on says they will call soon. They say they want her back. They said 2012 was the year; we are almost 6months in and no call. She needs this job, we need this job.  It is the only factory that offers household insurance, if we ever want a family then they have to call. When she goes back to work it will really help with the financial stress but of course that would open up more problems for us—like who will be home to watch the dog and give her the meds she needs. I will be worried sick if Sadie has to stay home for 8hrs alone wondering if she is still doing ok. Sure 90 days doesn’t seem that long unless you have a dog with bone cancer—hell I can’t even think about this weekend. I really need to breathe…

Then there is my job—I have to come here and deal with everyone and all their problems. The people I work with are so needy; listen to me whine about things that aren’t that important but I am going to make it a big deal. I am going to explode—into tears most likely. I want to be left alone. Just let me deal with my shit and you deal with your own. We are both adults here, I am sure if you think about it you can figure out what you do with the form and where it goes. UGH!

I want to go home and spend the day with my dog. I don’t care about the people at work or the problems. They aren’t the ones that matter to me. I DON’T CARE!!!

Be Calm and Carry On........

Monday was a really bad night for Sadie. She cried all night and would only rest if I held her. This was really unlike her as she is a very independent girl. Her breathing was fast and short and I knew things weren’t right. That night we both got maybe 2 hrs of sleep. I begged a new vet to see us the next morning as I could not put her through a moment more of pain. A very nice vet took us and we prepared ourselves. After an x-ray the diagnosis was in—it was what I feared a month before—Bone Cancer. I was in shock, I knew what that meant, and I have prepared myself for this a month ago. I stood there frozen; wrapping my brain around what he was saying…..I started making phone calls to the family once I could get myself to say the words.

The vet thinks we have under a year left. He put her on new pain meds and as long as she is comfortable and happy we will do all we can. She has had a good past couple of days, sleeping through the night and enjoying the warm sun and cool grass. We will keep her with us as long as she wants to be here. She is seeing a Holistic Vet tomorrow that will help us with this journey and keep her quality of life as good for as long as we can.

I am determined to give her the best days ahead I can. We are planning a lot more family things at our home because she isn’t just loved by us she is loved by our family. We are going to spend as much time as we can with her; stopping more often to pet her, especially when we leave and come home—because you never know when that last time will be. What day will be her last good day and how did she spend that day—that is what I keep thinking. Unfortunately I have to work and leaving in the morning is harder than normal now. I do not want her last day here to be a day I was away for most of it. 12yrs isn’t long enough. 12yrs is too young.  

I just cannot imagine what it is going to be like coming home without her being there. She is a good girl and she is going to be hard to live without. She is going to be so missed and missed by many. She has a brother waiting for her on the other side, along with a few of her friends. She will be happy—able to run and dig holes again. I hope for her sake there is some snow for her to run in! 

So, I am taking lots of deep breaths and trying to focus on the day and not the future. Staying in the moment is something I have never been good at….

Playhouse Reveal



BEFORE

Here it is~after weeks of hard work by my Duste! She is so amazing and awesome to work so hard to make me happy!




AFTER

Graduation and a Birthday!

My sister, Amanda, graduated from College!! Can you believe it—College!! I am so proud of her! She is amazing! She didn’t let anything stand in her way; she graduated and did so with very good grades! She got an award for graduating with a 3.5-3.75 GPA!! She did all this being a young mother and wife. She never let that be something that held her back, instead she used it as motivation. We were not raised as children who would go to college; the importance of education was not really stressed to us. Statics show that we would grow up as young mothers with addiction issues who lived on government assistance. Instead we are College graduates who will own homes, pay taxes and be useful citizens. Our future is just as bright as everyone elses because we fought for it! We wouldn’t accept what life gave us and fought for something better! I am so overjoyed that my sister chose to follow me in my path to rise above our raisings! The way you are raised or the things that happened in your childhood are not excuses for your laziness. Anyone can have a wonderful future—some just have to work harder than others to get it!




Ok—stepping off my soap box now—

This past week was also my birthday and what does a thrifty girl like to do on her birthday you ask—go to second hand clothing stores in the big city when they have their sale of course! I have been wondering how I would look in skirts recently—pinning some outfits on pinterest is always the first step right? Since I love dresses so much I thought why not a skirt with a cute shirt and a cardigan. So, just like I did when I first got into Tea Dresses, I bought some at the second hand clothing store! This time I also ventured out of my usual color scheme and went with some yellows and red—gasp! A long time ago, when I was little, someone said blondes should not wear yellow or red so I have always stayed away from these colors. But how I do love mustard yellow—my kitchen is this color and lots of accents in my home are this color. So, I decided I was going to wear it! I got two yellow shirts—one in light yellow and one in mustard to go with a few skirts. I also bought a red and white tea dress! So Cute! I am so in love with flowing skirts now! I also got a new camera, after fighting with it at my sisters graduation and pictures not turning out as good as they should, I decided I need one. So, Duste bought me one—at the pawn store of course! After I did some research on what the prices are new we decided to turn others misfortune into our good fortune. I got a new to me PINK Kodak Camera!  It takes awesome pictures and has a faster shutter speed so we can keep up with Keaton! I also got a massage—it had been 5 months since my last one and OMG was it good!! It felt so good to leave there with absolutely no pain or tightness, it had been too long!  I have had a great 29^th birthday!

UPDATE~Today we received very good news on Duste’s job! It is looking like I will be out of work by the end of this year!! 2013 is going to be awesome—that is if the world doesn’t end on 12/20/12!! Ha!

Have a Wonderful May!!

Duste and I

Spring Time is here!



A Duck in the grasses and flags!

Finally Blooming after 3 years!

The newest addition!

4yr old Willow

Blooming Brenda Bush!

Honeysuckle and Bamboo

chickens and ducks

Duste's Grandma Bush!

One of the many Lilacs in Bloom!

Sadie Update!

Since my last post we took Sadie to have an X-ray. She was anything but happy about going back to the vet. What do I mean by that you ask; picture it—a part pit bull shaking all over and whining, not happy at all. Meanwhile mommy Talisa had a major melt down. I mean totally Freaking Out Man! I had my sister, father, soul mom and of course Duste very worried about me. There is something terribly wrong with sitting in a hot tub crying. To say it was a long night is an understatement! I was convinced it was Bone Cancer and I mean seriously crying my soul out at the thought of losing my Sadie. I was a mess.

In just a few short, but felt very long, hours later we had the result—Arthritis!! I have never been so happy about Mr. Arthur! This means it is manageable and we will get to keep her a little longer! Woohoo! I was too exhausted to show much excitement but on the inside I was dancing!

The vet did mention a shot called Adequan Canine. It is given two times a week for a month and then once a month there after. It helps ease arthritis symptoms as well as repair cartilage damage.  He said they have a few dogs on it right now and have seen amazing results. We talked about it and agreed right away, this is part of making her feel better and this is our job. We started the first shot right then. I have since looked up reviews for this and just like her Allergy meds, Atopica, it gets rave reviews! I am so glad this is available for her and for us. Seeing your dog in pain is a hard thing to watch. But try telling that to her, she thinks we are being so cruel taking her to the vet twice a week! For the second shot she wouldn’t go in a room and the vet had to give it to her in the waiting room. Mommy’s poor baby.

With this shot, her supplements and her allergy pills she should be like a new dog just in time for vacation!! I was so worried about what we would do when vacation time came and she wasn’t any better.

 Since the vet result we have done everything we can think of to make her daily life more comfortable. Duste redid her big dog bed—cutting an entrance in the front so she did not have to step up to get in bed. We also bought her a new mattress to go in her big bed and a smaller bed to go in the entry way. Grandpa Burnett brought her luxurious pillows and a Down Feather Comforter. We stuffed the pillows in her other bed that is in the living room, used the comforter in the bedroom and we put her old mattress in the bathroom—where she hides when there is a storm. As soon as my kitchen is done she will have one under the bar as well. Duste also built her a ramp over the back steps so she can get to the back yard easier.  On order she has a heating pad for her big bed and a ramp to help her in and out of the van. I think we are set for our older pet!

Sorry, I can not get this to flip!

Sadie in her new entry room bed

Sadie's new improved bed--before being painted

I wonder if Sadie knows how easy she has it, but it makes my heart happy that she will never know! I would never want my baby to know anything but the good life!

Aging Pet

 When I moved out on my own, with Duste of course, we adopted a dog. She is a lab/pit mix and her name is Sadie. She is named after my first family dog, a boxer, who used to walk me to and from school!

Sadie has been with us through all of life’s changes. She has been our traveling companion on all of our adventures. She loves children, especially our very own Keaton Michael and puts up with our cats.  She is a medium size dog that stands about knee high and weights a little more than she should at 65lbs. She has the head of a pit bull with mostly the personality of a lab. She is independent and hard headed but loves to sit on your lab when you sit on the floor. She thinks she owns the couch, any pillow or blanket, the yard and pretty much anything she sees. She has never been a mother but thinks the chickens and ducks are her babies. She takes food out of your hand so gently but can scare the pants off anyone who knocks on the door. If you want to see something funny, try to get her to jump-turns out not all dogs know how! When she is super happy and over the moon to see you she will do lots of “helicopters” to let you know. She used to love the snow, to dig, run and play in it was oh so fun. She has a nose like a blood hound and can track down anything from her humans, cats or underground critters. She also loves to lie in the sun or extremely close to any heat source. She used to have separation anxiety but with age comes reassurance that both her mommies will return. She knows Santa brings her a stocking filled with babies she can shred and kill the squeaky that’s inside. She has a special place to lay inside, outside on the covered porch and in the garage where she also has her very own dogie door. She is a little spoiled because she will only eat dog food that also has people food mixed in! Sadie has been in my sisters and my senior pictures and has gone to our schools to show everyone how pretty she is—and show that her breed is nothing to fear.

She is older now but still very much loved by her humans. She hasn’t done a helicopter in a very long time but her human know how much she misses them when they are gone. She no longer plays in the snow—the cold makes her hurt.

She is our dog and has been for 12 short years.

Sadie is like many 12 yr old larger dogs and has arthritis. She is also like most labs and has a skin allergy. These two things combined makes for a very expensive last few years. But we do what we have to keep her comfortable. Her allergy meds, Atopica, are working wonders on her so far but she is only one box in. These pills are $90 a box and it takes two boxes to get through the month. Luckily, she only has to take one a day for a month then she goes down to every other day, which is half the price. Her supplements are about $60 and should last 2 months. These are to help with the swelling and mobility of her joints. She is also on an Anti-inflammatory and pain pill—those are around $50 a month. I don’t like to run a total on what is cost to keep my baby happy but with our tight budget I have to know how much this is taking a month. The price does not change our decision to keep her happy and smiling—that is priceless.

We will keep her in our lives for as long as she wants to be here, no matter what the price! I have lost both sets of my grandparents and an Aunt and know there are always signs, if you open your eyes that will let you know when it is time to let go. We are still hopeful this is a few years away.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~Roger Caras